He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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