come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
