he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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