pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
