Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
