Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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