YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
