Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
