nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
