suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
