I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
