Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
