shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
