I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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