There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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