barbara walters just said penis...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
