Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
