did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
