We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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