I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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