Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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high people should be assigned attendants
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
