my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
