I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
