Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
