I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
