Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
