she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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