The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
