I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
