My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
