____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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