So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
