That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
