If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
