Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
