He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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