I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
