i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
