So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
