I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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