There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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