somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
