ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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