She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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