I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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