i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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