'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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