I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
