If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
