You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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