Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
