Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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