Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
