I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
