Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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